Hard to believe we are already three weeks deep into the College Football Season. While the nation is talking about Heisman candidates from LaMichael James to Trent Richardson to Marcus Lattimore, a much more impressive feat is going on.
The Top Three Rushers in the Big Ten are guys that throw the football. Thats right, the Conference that brags itself on HUGE offensive linemen, power running games, and tough football players, can’t find a running back to (you know) run the football. Marcus Lattimore outran the entire Big 10 running backs SEASON last Saturday against Navy.
Denard Robinson of Michigan, Taylor Martinez of Nebraska, and Marqueis Gray of Minnesota are the best runners in the conference. I’m sorry but that’s just sad. Quit hogging the ball QBs. It’s hard enough you get to throw the ball 30 times a game, let a kid earn his scholarship!
No wonder this conference gets waxed whenever it plays a formidable opponent school from SEC. Our Linebackers are faster than your offensive backfield. Come on Big Ten, get with it. Find fast running backs who can carry the load of your offense so you can beat Ball State.
Auburn @ The Other School in South Carolina: Boy I hate everything about this game. The generic nicknames, the stadium, the colors, the teams, everything. This is what it must have been like for Jets fans 4 years ago when the Patriots and Giants played in the Super Bowl. Just an absolute no win situation. And they can’t tie cause we all know ties are for sissys and communists. Flat out, I just don’t think Auburn is as good as advertised (for the record I don’t think tOSiSC is as good as advertised but they might be slightly better) and I think it FINALLY catches up to them. tOSiSC has all the tools to be an explosive offense and they could round into form this week. OUR PICK: tOSiSC will win the second generic nickname game of the week. God it sucked to type that.
Ole Miss @ Vanderbilt: This is the game Commissioner Mike Slive dreads every year. It’s like the wedding of relatives with whom you are only kinda close. You have to go even though you don’t want to. You have to do the fake smile/hug/kiss thing. You’re standing there and there are so many awkward pauses in conversation. You’re wondering, ‘This is family, not Frank from accounting, why do we only have boring elevator small talk to discuss??’ Even the relatives (Vandy and Ole Miss) know you don’t want to be there, and the only reason you’re there is cause your Mom (Mike Slive) made you go. If you followed all that, then here it is. OUR PICK: Uncle Ned (Vandy) over Aunt Kathy (Ole Miss). Mom (Slive) is gone by mid-2nd quarter (right after the first dance).
Coastal Carolina @ Georgia: A lot of people think this is gonna be a cakewalk for Georgia. But those people are underestimating one thing: Coastal has David Bennett as their coach….
Couldn’t have said it better myself. I’m not even sure what the original rant was about, I think golf maybe. But who cares, I almost wanna pick Coastal just to see what he says next week. OUR PICK: I said almost wanna pick Coastal. Come on now, Georgia wins it big. Tennessee @ Florida: I thought this was only a slightly big rivalry. But according to one of the experts (don’t know his name and never heard of him when they said it, evidently he was on the 1996 Florida National Title team) on something called “The New College Football Show,” this is the best rivalry in all of college football. He also said he would “fight anyone who says different.” I guess we’re ignoring Ohio State/Michigan, Florida/Florida State (see that, it’s not even Florida’s biggest rivalry), Auburn/Alabama, Akron/Kent State. Ok, maybe not that last one, but you get the point. I guess this should be expected when the show is on Fox Sports regional and the other “expert” is former Tulane coaching great Tommy Bowden. Anyway, this is a big game for both team. UT could tell everyone they’re further along than people think. Florida could win a game that many think they shouldn’t lose. OUR PICK: UPSET SPECIAL DOG!!! Tennessee to shock the SEC world and take this from the Gators. The Vols have a QB, two WO, a RB, and a very good offensive line. They have enough to get it done and they will. Navy @ South Carolina: In 1984, the highly ranked Gamecocks won a big game and the next week had a road game against a supposedly inferior Naval Academy team. The result? Due to joe Morrison deciding to go up on a Thursday and do some sightseeing of the Smithsonian, Carolina pooped the bed. An upset victory, a season derailed and another year of heartbroken Carolina fans. This ain’t 1984 though baby. Navy has my favorite offense in football, they run it to precision and it is almost impossible to prepare for in a week’s time. Howeva, this Gamecock team has superior talent, and, more importantly, better focus than the Midshipmen. OUR PICK: Gamecocks win it, move to 3-0. Louisville @ Kentucky: The ‘Ville is coming off of a loss some are calling “embarrassing.” Ok, everyone is calling it embarrassing. I mean I love Sun Belt football as much as the next guy, but you can’t lose to FIU…at home, if you are a big kid football team. Don’t laugh too loud Big Blue Herp Derps. That’s only slightly worse than barely beating an over matched Western Kentucky on a neutral field, and following that up by letting the Directional Michigan Chippewas hang around entirely too long. Yeah you’re 2-0, but even the tallest midget is making fun of you. All kidding aside, these teams usually have a pretty good game and I think this year will be the same. OUR PICK: The ‘Ville gets back on the horse (get it, cause it’s in Kentucky?? If you don’t get that email the Gamblin Boss, he will splain you). Troy @ Arkansas: I feel like I could write the same thing every week for Arkansas. It will be some variation of “I don’t think the Hogs are that good, but Petrino’s offense is always legit. The (insert whatever bad team is playing Arkansas) will be overwhelmed here.” So there you have it, the same thing again. Don’t get mad at me, get mad at the Razorbacks. I will write something more when Arkansas actually freakin plays someone. OUR PICK: Arkansas…again. North Texas @ Alabama: This might actually have been a game in the early 2000′s when former Dolphin great Patrick Cobbs was running the Mean Green to four straight Sun Belt titles and current Texas State coaching great Dennis Franchione was roaming the sidelines for the Tide. Quick side note, remember how pissed Bama fans were when Coach Fran left for Texas A&M?? MAN they were livid haha. The audacity of someone actually leaving Alabama to go to Texas A&M!!! The horror!!! Seems that the Aggies got the worst of that situation. Oops, got sidetracked. OUR PICK: Roll Tide. Sun Belt Conference Game of the Week Presented by Rold Gold Pretzels, Central Florida @ FIU: Can FIU do it again? I mean it’s not a high and mighty Big East team (I use that term loosely) but I think this would still count as a big win for the Golden Panthers if they could beat the Golden Knights. Editor’s Note: I feel like Al Golden should be involved in this game, just to complete the Florida, Golden trifecta. Sadly, he is stuck at The U. At any rate, this should actually be a pretty good game. Mario Cristobal will have his FIU squad ready to play and compete. TY Hilton probably won’t go off as big as he did last week, but he is an NFL caliber player and should still show up big. OUR PICK: Golden Panthers over Golden Knights…with a side of Golden Crisps. Service Academy Game of the Week Presented by WhoLovesABargain.blogspot.com, Northwestern @ Army: I wanted to feature Air Force this week but they have a bye week (boy that sucks to have a week 3 bye…what’s the point? I mean Honestly you aren’t even tired enough to need a bye in week 3…but I digress) so I went with the Black Knights of the Hudson River instead. I really want Ellerson’s boys to get a victory. They played well enough to win last week and QB Trent Steelman is an underrated player (and one of the nation’s better names. Perfect name for a service academy player too) but I think Dan Persa and they boys from Evanston will be too much. Hopefully Army can get it going against Ball State next week. Although the Indiana Hoosiers say that’s not as easy as it sounds. OUR PICK: Northwestern
So the economy is in the tank right now. You’ve downgraded from Crown Royal to Canadian Hunter. You’ve gone from Fat Tire, down to Sierra Nevada, down to Miller Lite…and now chugging 30 packs of Schlitz because that’s all you can afford. Now, I’m not here to say that I’m advocating something as “legal” as gambling…because this information is SOLELY for entertainment purposes. If you happen to bet the farm on something and it doesn’t work out…well…blame it on the refs/weather/fans/hungover players/coaches/ but just not me. I’m going to give you my best 5 picks of the week…do with it what you will. Good luck, God speed, and always remember that “scared money doesn’t make money!”.
Welcome to the third installment of The ACC’s Public Indecency Scrum Scrimmage (or ACC PISS for short). Also, here’s a reminder (above) at just how popular this league is! Look at the fans in blue supporting their team! YAY ACC CHAMPIONSHIP! WE ARE A BCS CONFERENCE! Here’s this weeks game picks that will hopefully go right. Hope you all have a lovely weekend…and stay tuned for my Picks against the spread coming later today. I really, really, really hope that all of you have the Garder-Webb / Wake Forest game tuned in tomorrow. It’s going to be APOCALYPTIC!
Last Week – (8-1) THANKS UVA! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME! LYLAS! SUPER JOB! Total – (16-2)
Auburn @ Clemson 12:00 ABC – This is a tough game for me to even think about. I hate Auburn and Clemson, but you can’t measure how much hate is geared toward the other school from South Carolina. Auburn does not deserve to be 3-0, and nor do I want Clemson to be the first team to beat the defending national champions (whatever that means). I could do the cute thing and pick “TIGERS TO WIN!”, but I’d lose not only my credibility…but my dignity as well. SEC >>>>>>>ACC, and I don’t care where the game is played. Pick: Auburn
West Virginia @ Maryland 12:00 ESPN – Ok Maryland, let’s see what you have. No, I’m serious.I’ve shown you mine, now you show me yours. We do this every year about this time and I can’t get an opinion on you. Either you show up on Saturday and tell me who you really are, or I’m going to bring in Scooby Doo and the gang to get some answers. I can’t believe in you until I see something that proves me otherwise. Saturday is your opportunity. However, I still think you are still the same old Maryland, and gets to play in their own bowl game (See: Eagle Bank Bowl), or the tire bowl in Charlotte. Pick: West Virginia.
Dook @ Boston College 12:30 ACC Network – Here’s a cool fact. The ACC network is not carried in Alabama. That’s awesome. Here is the PERFECT REASON WHY. Could anyone please tell me why in the hell this game is on the ACC Network? HERE’S OUR CHANCE TO SEE BOSTON CHESTNUT HILL IN THE FALL. I can’t pick this game accurately. Both teams could suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Duke’s lost to Richmond and Stanford at home. BC has lost to Central Florida and Northwestern. I’ve got to take the home team simply because of my sandbox theory: “When a child is at a friend’s house and playing in their sandbox, the visiting child gets upset when they have to pick up and go home. The child who’s sandbox is being used is most happy”. Pick: Bahston Callage
Kansas @ Georgia Tech 12:30pm RSN – What the hell is RSN? Anyway, look for Georgia Tech to take care of the Jayhawks. Maybe they could come play with the ACC. I really, really, have nothing to say about this game. Borefest. Pick: Georgia Tech
Virginia @ UNC 3:30 ESPNU – At this point, it’s only week 3 and I am regretting assigning myself to the ACC for game capsules. I am trying to be objective…but come on man…really? There isn’t a damn thing tosay about this game. BUT YOU MAKE DOOK AND BOSTON COLLEGE SOUND FUNNY!!! I’m still learning that it’s a marathon, not a sprint. That, and it’s difficult to take any team seriously who’s home stadium is under 60,000 people. Pick: UNC
Arkansas State @ Virginia Tech 4:00 RSN – Wow. Whatever cable company RSN is, they are getting their money’s worth Saturday. What a way to follow up Kansas and Georgia Tech! Hands down, this is easily the biggest redneck battle of the weekend. I’m just hoping that Radford has a home game as well…then the greater Blacksburg area will be the closest thing to Morgantown, WV that you’ll ever see in Virginia. The Hokies are still working out the kinks and will contend for the ACC title, but remember to win…you have to be good. Wake Forest/Dook/UVA good. Pick: Virginia Tech
South Alabama @ NC State 6:00 ESPN3 – This just sounds like all kinds of fun. Do you think that this is what God dreams about if he/she was an ACC fan? I mean, does it get any better than hosting South Alabama in Raleigh? The ONLY thing that would make this better is if the Hurricanes had a home game, and the NC State Fair was in town. Pick: NCSU
Gardner-Webb @ Wake Forest 6:30 ESPN3 – Well, speaking of God…here’s a matchup he/she defiantly plans on attending. It’s the Christian College against the Demon Deacons! Doesn’t this sound a little bit like the Apocalypse? I fully expect Wake to be led out of the tunnel by trumpets and 4 horses. (I promise you, one of these will occur) You heard it here first, evil defeats good – and the end of times is much closer after Saturday. Pick: Wake Forest
Oklahoma @ Florida State 8:00 ESPN – As stated before, I’m going to be watching this game post Carolina/Navy…and with a FSU grad/soon to be bro in law. This will be a much better game than last year…but come on everyone. Think about this…long and hard. Why is there no more room on the bandwagon for fans of FSU? Why all the hype after a CFA bowl appearance and beating a team that was led by a hungover QB? I get it, you are a good team in the ACC that will contend. But I fully expect this to not even be close. Oklahoma is as advertised, and big game Bob Stoops is pretty decent in the season, on the road. (BUT NOT IN BOWL GAMES!) Pick: OOOOOOOklahoma where the wind blows sweeping down the Plains! OKLAHOMA – OK!
Ohio State @ Miami 7:30 ESPN – What can you say about this game that hasn’t been said already? Tattoos? Cars? Money? Boats? Jet Ski’s? How about how terrible Miami is. If you had the pleasure of getting to watch their game at Maryland…you’ll see how bad it was. BUT GAMBLIN BOSS, WE DIDN’T HAVE OUR STAR QB! Tough shit! Harris is a piss poor excuse for a quarterback, BUT AGAIN, THIS IS ACC FOOTBALL WE’RE TALKING ABOUT! I know it’s a road game for OSU, and I know that it’s also a Big 10ish school….but Former Joe Robbie Stadium is not exactly a threatening place to play. OSU destroys Miami football faster than Donna Shalala’s handling of the Nevin Shapiro allegations. Pick: OSU
Fresh of the presses my Week 3 Big East Picks that nobody’s waiting for:
Starting tonight we have a barn burner for you when Iowa State takes on UCONN. A game so big that only the Worldwide Leader will host..on ESPN2. But seriously what can I say about this game that you don’t already. For starters, I can tell you a starter in this game: Lyle McCombs is a freshman running back averaging 5.1 yards a carry. Dude is from Staten Island and somehow managed to NOT get arrested and play football. In this game, my straight up pick is UCONN to bounce back from a loss to SEC workforce Vandy a week ago.
West Virginia vs Maryland
Sarcasm out the window, this is actually a solid ACC vs Big East matchup. Winner should get the title “Best Conference not named the SEC” after this solid game. West Virginia’s offense is a fluid as it gets. Geno Smith is great playmaker and his star receiver Ivan McCartney is cousins with Ochocinco. Danny OBrien came out of nowhere in his game against the prison inmates Miami to earn a QB Rating of 139. This should be an aerial attack that I feel favors Maryland. OBrien will finish with around 275 yards, but in a losing effort. My pick here is West Virginia.
Pittsburg vs Iowa
Iowa lost to Iowa State. Apparently the people from Iowa have a big enough rivalry to give the winner an ugly ass trophy. Good Lord there must be 99% white people in Iowa. Back to the game, No Post-Wannstanche team can travel to the Hawkeye state and get a win. Kirk Ferentz is too much man for that to happen. Iowa is my pick here.
Louisville vs Kentucky
Louisville lost to Florida International University, a football program from a school who claims they are international. Such a low blow. The only damage the Cardinals will do in Lexington is if they unleash Rick Pinto on the Kentucky sororities. Kentucky all the way here.
Florida A&M vs South Florida
FAMU has a really good marching band, but a bad football team. USF wins this game
Akron vs Cincinnati
The Bearcats suffered a tough loss at Knoxville a week ago, but thankfully there’s an unwanted stepchild to beat up on. Cincy will treat Akron like Jodie Foster in The Accused this weekend. Bearcats all the way.
Syracuse vs Southern Cal (UPSET ALERT)
Two games under the belt, and two times I’ve jumped on the Orange Bandwagon. America was picking Wake Forest, I took on America and WON. Everybody from Rhode Island were saying Rhode Island was going to knock off the ‘Cuse, I took on Rhode Island and WON. Guess what LA…Antwon Bailey is coming to town. And that guy will treat you worse than the NCAA treats Kiffin. Then quarterback Ryan Nassib will make the Raiders and Rams leaving town seem like middle school after his performance. Dude comes in and boast his 6 touchdowns down your throat. Hell, he might throw for six in this game so big that FX is covering it. That’s right, a channel that doesn’t even cover sports is lifting its ban JUST so they can get this vintage NY vs CA matchup. I’ve already got my popcorn ready, next I’ll be sending Matt Barkley and the USC Cheerleaders some Kleenex boxes for what Van Chew is gonna do to them. The Cuse, The Cuse, The Cuse is on FIRE.
